Jesus and the modern man

The Sermon on the Mount Series: Jesus encounters the modern man; WWJSay to sex, lust and marriage?

People often say that the world we live in is totally different to the world Jesus lived in, so we can’t be expected to follow his teachings. Let’s test that out on this week’s issue in our series: Lust, love and marriage. (Mt5:27-30) What if Jesus spoke with a young church going man living in Australia? I imagine the conversation may go something like this…

(Young man called Derek in agonised prayer about whether to go the next step in his relationship with his girlfriend.)

Derek: “Jesus, we love each other so much. She makes me feel awesome, and I can see she feels the same. So should I go the next step?”
Jesus: (with a knowing smile)“Ahh, you mean marriage! Wonderful!”
Derek: (horrified gasp) No! That’s not what I mean! I mean having sex. (reflective pause) But maybe you’re right. When I say it like that it doesn’t sound romantic at all. And I love her too much for it to be mistaken for a casual fling; that would demean her. Maybe we should skip that step and go to the next one?

Jesus: (with a knowing smile)“Ahh, you mean marriage! Wonderful!”
Derek: No! I’m not ready for that level of commitment! I mean “living together”. Two people in love discovering whether they are soul mates before taking the final step to marriage.
Jesus: But if you live together, bond deeply to one another both physically and emotionally and live out all the privileges and responsibilities of marriage, how is this not marriage? What is the difference in your mind?

Derek: Well … (he pauses wondering if this is one of Jesus’ trick questions) I guess the main difference is that we are trying out the relationship to see if we really are compatible. If it turns out we are not then we will break up, but if we are soul mates then we will get married and later start a family.

Jesus: You mean ‘living together’ is a kind of experiment?
Derek: (not liking that description at all) Ye-e-e-s
Jesus: Doesn’t your society consider it unethical to experiment on human beings? Especially on the human being you cherish most in the world?
Derek: Never thought of it like that…
Jesus: And doesn’t this experiment run the risk of causing immense pain if it doesn’t work and you have to tear apart the bonds that you have created?

Derek: (defensive as he feels his options as a follower of Christ being narrowed) Well, what’s the alternative? I know you’re fond of marriage but that’s old fashioned and doesn’t work. What’s so great about having a ceremony and getting a piece of paper that says you are officially hitched!?

Jesus: That’s not what marriage is. Even many people who get married don’t know what marriage is and what it can be. But I’m not talking about their choices. You once said to me that you trust me and will follow me always. Do you still hold to that?

Derek: Yes. I guess that’s why I’m talking to you now. But it’s so hard. I really really want this.
Jesus: I know. And you know that in the Kingdom of God we think about all kinds of human relationships differently to the World. So it should be no surprise that in the Kingdom of God marriage can be different too.

Marriage in the Kingdom of God is modelled on my relationship with you. So, marriage is a covenant, exactly like the covenant I offered you on the cross; to love you, forgive you, heal you, teach you the ways of the Kingdom and live together with you forever. You entered into this covenant with me when you accepted all this, gave me your heart, and pledged to leave your old life of self-seeking behind you. (Galatians 5:29-32)

This is not an experiment between you and I that may or may not work out; I am pledged to you. I chose you before time and I choose you every day. Even when your sin upsets me, my covenant, my pledge never waivers. It is based on loving choice not chemistry or hormones.
And you and I made that choice public- I on the cross and every week in Holy Communion, and you when you first trusted me and then made acceptance of our covenant public at your baptism.

That’s what my gift of marriage is; a covenant. A public commitment to one another to choose love ‘come what may’. And a wedding is just like baptism. And my gift from the beginning of time is to create deep bonds so the “two shall become one”(Matthew 19). Sex is one aspect of the bonding and should not be separated out as if it were just a hunger to be satiated.

My dear friend Derek, model your relationship on me. No follower of mine should attempt to enter the bonds of such an intimate, vulnerable relationship without a similar public covenant that reflects the self-giving, self denying, loving ways of the Kingdom of God. I’ve shown you the way. Could you seriously offer your beloved anything less?

Derek: I want you to be at the centre of anything we do, but this way of thinking is so different to what I’ve grown up with. I’m going to need time to take it in.
Jesus: A great idea! Big choices shouldn’t be rushed. Take all the time you need …